FFA #15

What would you do if you had 30 minutes with absolutely NO accountability whatsoever (moral, ethical, legal, etc.)?

We live on 3rd Street. Third Street is parallel to 4th St. Fourth Street is a main street with a speed limit of 35 mph. On our street, we have a playground and Community Center and a speed limit of 20 mph. What I don't get about this situation is why every vehicle (including the police vehicles that frequent our neighborhood) have to barrel down our street at 40 mph. The semis prefer our street (I assume because we lack stop lights) and don't even pretend to slow down.
Last year, our neighbor witness some jerk in his over-sized phallus speeding down our street and get out to yell at some child going to the playground for not getting out of his way fast enough.
So, here is what I would do: I would set up spikes on our street that flatten tires of anyone going over the speed limit.

I wish that I could say that would satisfy me but I must admit that I would feel the need to explain to this person after they swerved of the road why this happened to them. Summing up with something along the lines of: "You are a selfish, ignorant ****." Then I would taser them.
Then, If they looked like this guy:
I would give them a good, swift kick in the gut while they were down and tell them their hair made them look like the trash they are. And, around here that would be most of the people who drive, including the teens and women.
There was probably a day when, if given 30 guilt free minutes, I would have done something exciting and exotic. But now all I want is for some peace and quiet. I want Luc to be able to take a nap without being woken up by a rusted out exhaust or ghetto rap being played by some kid named Colt who only graduated high school because his dad said he had to if he ever wanted to drive the tractor again after his 3rd DUI. I guess turning 32 has changed me.
P.S. Sorry I'm late yet again. Theo's got a stomach bug. You don't want to know...

Tuesday Musings #10

Do you collect anything? If so, what? If not then, why…or what would you collect if you had to start a collection? Pictures please!

So here's my lame excuse for doing my Tuesday Musings on a Thursday: The camera batteries were dead and needed charging and I had no pictures of my mirrors so I had to charge the batteries and take pictures before I could post. Maybe next week I'll be on time.
Well, if you haven't figured it out, I collect mirrors. I love mirrors with cool frames. I saw one I loved in a gallery in Socorro, NM when I was visiting my brother Matt. I bought it and the rest is history. This one I found in a back alley art shop in Conway, NH.
I got this one at a garage sale for 25 cents.
I don't know how many I have now. Some of my favorites are the large mirror that Grandma Blanche just gave me that has been in our family for years; the other large mirror in my collection (most of them are very small) that Matt and Steph got me while on their honeymoon; the little mirror made out of soda cans that they got me in South Africa; and a hand mirror that my parents bought my in Peter's Valley (an artists' community in NJ).
The latest addition to my collection is a mirror with a beautiful classic frame that my in-laws got me for my birthday.
My dream is to one day have a house of our own where I can put all the mirrors very close together and fill up the entire wall with my eclectic collection. One day.....

FFA #14

Freewrite on the following cliche: "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."

Okay, so the first thing that comes to mind, is something about how our 'kingdom' is being run by a horse, or an ass, or a combination of the two. I'm going to leave it at for now because I have many dishes and much laundry to do but maybe I'll revisit the topic if the mood hits me over the weekend. Happy Friday.

Oh Hadschi Halef Omar, you get me every time!

This is for Cresta because she sends me funny things like Buffalax videos. (Warning: For those with children this is PG)

Tuesday Musings #9

“Imagine your life is now a book. In 100 words, write the blurb for it. (It’s what people will read on the back cover.)”

She was an typical girl with an typical upbringing. She was average at everything she did and nothing prepared her for the whirlwind to come. Follow Claire as she defies all common sense. Come along on her journey through bad decisions, rash judgments and illogical reasoning as she attempts to muddle through her life without causing irreparable harm to her loved ones. You will laugh as she makes a fool of herself and cry as she tries to prepare edible food for her unsuspecting family. Join her on her journey. Just remember, whatever you do, do not follow her example.

P.S. Sorry its late!

How I Know I'm a Crappy Mother (Part III of Many)

I encourage this kind of behavior.

FFA #13

What is something you are completely fantastic at, and what is something you are really crappy at?

I am really good at being me. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "Only you would do something like that!" People aren't saying this all the time because Joe Schmo could pull off being me. I have to admit that every time I hear, "You are making a spectacle of yourself," I can't help but think, "I can't help it if people want to stare at my gloriousnesses."

If there is one thing I am really crappy at it is remembering to get the garbage out to the curb on Tuesday nights.

Tagged.

So, my dear friend Peggy hates me so she tagged me. So, as if you aren't sick enough of my babbling, here goes...
1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago I was working full time doing customer service and collections for AT&T Universal Card. It sucked but it paid well for the effort I had to put in and I worked great hours so I had lots of free time to play.
2. What are five things on my to-do list today?

1. Take Theo to his Kindermusik class.
2. Take Theo to the Imagination Station to burn off some energy and make a mess someplace other than home.
3. Call in Matt's allergy prescription.
4. Make a grocery list and go shopping.
5. Try and clean off my favorite blue shoes that have been dirty since last summer.

3. What are some snacks that I enjoy?

Any gummy candy (preferable not sour), Cheetos, Chex Mix, chocolate chips and peanuts (Theo and I eat this one regularly) Wheat Thins, anything chocolate, etc...

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire.

• Pay off debt.
• Put a big chunk in savings.
• Put money away for the boys' college fund.
• Buy a car that will simultaneously hold our stroller and our groceries.
• Give big chunks of money to the people I love and some charities.
• I'm assuming that any money that is left over will quickly be used up putting gas in my new car.

5. Places I've lived.

• New Hampshire (Manchester)
• New York (Staten Island)
• Utah (West Valley, Holladay, Sugar House, Magna, Murray & Salt Lake)
• Belgium (Charleroi, Liege & Brussels)
• France (Strasbourg & Villefranche-sur-Mer)
• Massachusetts (Lynn & Ayer)
• Indiana

Since I had to suffer through this, I'm spreading the joy. Amy, Steph (don't worry, I can wait until you're back from girls' camp), Jean and Michelle, I tag you!!

Tuesday Musings #8

Who was the last person you prank called? What did you say?

I've been thinking about this for well over 24 hours now and I honestly can't remember. I hope you'll all forgive me but I'm going to have to go with the most memorable prank instead. It wasn't original and it wasn't funny. It was just plain dumb.

I was in the fourth grade and my teacher was Mrs. Hutchinson (I think). Even if I am not 100% sure about her name I can remember her. She was everything you would imagine a fourth grade teacher to be. She was in her 50's or 60's with straight, chin length graying hair. She always wore the latest in aging hippie wear right down to the over sized bead necklaces and orthopedic sandals. She was very nice and had one of those voices that could always soothe the troubled child (except when you didn't do your homework which was most days for me).

I remember her teaching us songs for all the holidays. I think my love of Halloween blossomed when she taught us the words to The Cat Came Back. What she didn't teach us was that when you try to prank someone the rag over the receiver never works like it does in the spy movie of old.

So, there we are, me and some equally dumb siblings and/or friends, I'm a little fuzzy on who was there. I someone, possible me, suggests that we call our teachers. I'm up first. She answers. I say with confidence (because the rag is disguising my voice and all), "Is this Mrs. Hutchinson?" To which she replies, "Claire Chadwick, is that you?" I then hung up, absolutely mortified and swore off prank phone calls which I'm sure lasted at least a week.

To this day I believe that prank phone call is the reason she failed me in vocabulary.

FFA #12

When Technology Goes Too Far...

I don't think technology goes far enough. Let's face it, if we have the know-how to have everything done for us by robots, why the hell do I still have to stuff?!? I want housecleaning robots. I want to stand on a conveyor belt and ride through my shower in the morning. I want to lift my arms and have clothes put on me. I want a huge vacuum that comes down from the ceiling, sucks up all of Theo's toys and sorts then neatly into their respective bins. I want a potty training robot that tracks Theo as he moves around the house, recognizes when he is ready to go to the bathroom, lifts him up and sticks him on the toilet. I want a robot that changes Luc's diaper. I want something that actually picks cat hair up off of furniture. I want lasers all over my house that set off alarms when Theo gets into stuff he's not supposed to. And I want a car that folds into a briefcase.

World of Wal-Marts

A few years ago Tim and Sarah gave us a pepperball for Christmas. We love pepper and we loved our pepperball. Wel, a couple days ago Theo threw our pepperball on the floor with enough force to break our pepperball. Very sad. So, we added pepperball to our grocery list.
In our area there are three Wal-Marts. The first is located in the commercial center. We went there once. As we were walking there were a group of Amish girls were walking in and a mother and son, a very typical mother and son for this area, walked in and the son looked at the girls and yelled, "F***ing Amish!!" Maybe if the mother had done something other than nod in agreement it wouldn't have bee so offensive (okay, nothing could have made it less offensive.) We swore we would never go to that Wal-Mart again. Then there is the Wal-Mart we do go to. It is new, clean and in a newer part of town. I am not going to say that it doesn't have its share of questionable characters because 1. it is Wal-Mart and 2. we live in Indiana. The third Wal-Mart is on the other side of the university. We call it the "student Wal-Mart". Although we haven't sworn it off like we have the trashy Wal-Mart, we try to avoid going there. The name says it all.
Last night we had to go shopping. We were only a couple blocks from the student Wal-Mart and didn't didn't want to have to drive to the other side of town so we slummed it. Well, I went looking for a new pepperball. In all of the Super Wal-Mart they had 1 short isle which included all the pots, pans, knifes, kitchen accessories, etc that they carried. I guess when you cook on a hot plate and/or eat McDonald's for every meal, that's all you need. What it some down to was they had no pepper mills, not even a pepper shaker! What they did have were ashtrays. Not one ashtray but many ashtrays in a variety of colors and sizes. Apparently, ashtrays are kitchens essentials but flavor in your food is not. I love Wal-Mart.

Just Because

The woman, the chicken, the knife, its all so John Waters. I love it.Julien Doré - Les Limites (Clip TV2)

Tuesday Musings #7

If you woke up tomorrow morning and were someone else, who would you hope to be?

We are going to file this under no brainer: Angelina Jolie. Yes, I know she has had quite the checkered past to say the least but here are my reasons:
She looks like this when she’s pregnant:I look like this: She looks like this after being pregnant:I look like this: She lives here: I used to live there (in the cluster of orange houses on the right) and now I in the same state with this guy:

She has many nannies that take care of her children so she can get her nails done and take naps.
I have regular nervous breakdowns (usually between 3:30 an 5:00 pm) six days a week.
She gets to spend her free time traveling the world and helping people.
I spent my free time blogging about her.
She has a pilot's license.
It is only a matter of time before I get my driver''s license revoked.
She has lots and lots of money.
I don't.
I could go on but you get the idea. No, I wouldn’t trade in Matt for Brad Pitt and I still think my kids are cuter than any celebuspawns out there but man, she’s got it good.