FFA #8

What do you, or would you, hide from your kids?

You name, I'll hide it! Seeing how Luc is 2 months old I don't think he's catching on to much yet but Theo, he's another story. I've gotten to the point where I will hide anything and everything from him. If I can fit it under, behind, below of above an object too large for a 2 year old to move, I will. He has his own set of beliefs about the way things work in this world. Here are some examples:

• He thinks that diapers are hats and baby wipes don't belong in their boxes.
• Any container of liquid must be emptied IMMEDIATELY.
• He thinks nothing is as fun as cutting everything in sight with the biggest knife he can get a hold of.
• No matter how many posters we put up on his walls, he has to color on the spaces that aren't covered.
• Spare change belongs in his mouth.
• If he can get his hands on a box of tissues, he miraculously has so many boogers that he needs to use all 120 tissues in one sitting.
• Garlic cloves are only good for one bite.
• Credit cards, drivers' licenses and other similarly sized flat objects should be stuck in obscure locations.
• Food I want to eat belongs to him. If I have a container of something edible he must confiscate it, ingest small amounts then dump the rest in the middle of the floor.
• Professional illustrators can never get it right and must be corrected with any crayon, pen or pencil he can find.
• Seven dollar electric toothbrush heads are perfect for cleaning dirt off the bottom of shoes.
• Mom and dad's shoes are to be worn around the house then left in separate locations, as far apart from their mate as physically possible.
• Puzzle pieces are edible.
• The fish need to eat the entire container or fish food all at once even though in anyone else's house it would last 4 years.
• Chap stick or lip gloss must be spread all over his body when the opportunity presents itself.
• Cat prefers her food off the floor.
• He really like to take our razors and "beard" his legs like mommy does.
• Candles are good for scraping with your fingernails until nothing is left and there is wax all over the carpet.
• Cereal should be emptied out on the floor and danced upon until it is nothing but minuscule crumbs.
• Eggs should be cracked in the living room.
• Any thing that would be used to brush or comb hair is actually just a tool for beating on Cat.
• He likes to try and cut Luc's fingernails so fingernail clippers must be kept at least 6 feet above ground level.

Oh, and have I mentioned that Theo figured out how to strike and light matches?
The good news is that Matt has a job where he will be gone almost all summer and I will have a nervous breakdown and be institutionalized before my next birthday and will no longer have to clean up after Theo.

P.S. I'll spare you all the things I should be hiding from Theo for his good (sweet tooth, addiction to perezhilton.com, etc...)

P.P.S. If you really want the good stuff, we should reveal what we hide from our husbands!