FFA #11

Write a letter to someone apologizing for something you're not really sorry for!

Dear FFAers,

I am sorry that I didn't get to my FFA on Friday. I know that it should be my priority over all other things. I understand that even though I have an excruciating ear infection, my husband who suffers from terrible seasonal allergies went and got himself a landscaping job and is so beat at the end of the day that he doesn't always want to take the kids when he gets home, I found out this week that Theo has another cyst that needs removed surgically and we spent all of Tuesday in the pediatric cardiologist's office because Luc had to have all sorts of tests done and the cardiologist forgot he had appointments in Lafayette and spent all morning sitting in Indianapolis, I am not excused from my FFA responsibilities.

When my friend called yesterday and told me that our other friend needed a break from her toddler I should have said, "No, I have to stay home and apologize for something I'm not sorry for (which lately seems to be more and more lately)."

So, I hope you can forgive me for not getting my letter done on time this week. Which, if you hadn't caught on was one hell of a crappy week.

Sincerely,

Claire

How I Know I'm a Crappy Mother (Part II of Many)

Theo is a very energetic little boy to say the least. I am not going to pretend that I am always patient enough to handle all of his adventures and mishaps. Friday, he woke up came in my room and said, "Mom, you're not going to yell today. Don't scream today, ok?"

Tuesday Musings

This week's Tuesday Musings assignment was to write a sonnet about potty training (or for those who can't handle potty training talk right now, some other mess that your child has made). I am a terrible poet but here it is:

It had begun with a doll and a smear,
In he strutted with a smile, not a frown,
In me it brought not a smile but a tear,
For to see his poop as he had lain down.
He has long given up on his diapers,
Preferring to dance and sway in the buff.
As he grows and keeps getting more hyper,
I have the need so much more to be tough.
This may be a new low for my wee pip,
Blaming his poop on a guiltless poupee.
I had mind to fling him over my hip.
But to laughter my tears had to give way.
I know in my heart he will use the pot,
To that day I look forward a whole lot.

Here are the accompanying videos. WARNING: Not for the weak of stomach!! Watch at your own risk!!

How I Know I'm a Crappy Mother (Part I of Many)

I don't know what prompted it but for the last few days Theo has responded to my 'I love you's with, "I don't love you." I don't know if he thought he was being funny or if he is just being contradictory because he is 2 but I do know I wasn't expecting this until puberty.

Well, today he finally decided to elaborate on his newly found dislike of his mother. After I told him I loved him, he informed me, "I don't love you. You are a monster mommy." Great, not only does my child not like me but now I am a monster. I haven't even grounded you yet, kid!!
Update: Theo spent a couple minutes this morning saying, "I don't love you, mommy. Just daddy. I love daddy and not you. I don't love you. I just love daddy..."

FFA #10

Who should play you in the movie version of your life?

This is an easy one for me to answer because a movie has already been made about my life. Some of you may have seen it. Names were changed to protect the not so innocent and I chose the name Muriel. It was released in 1994 in Australia and 1995 in America, under the name Muriel's Wedding. Toni Collette played me and we were close enough in size back then that she was even able to wear some of my clothes (to preserve authenticity).

I have to admit that the screenwriters took some liberties. Such as, my first husband was an Olympic runner, not a swimmer; obviously I did not grow up in Australia (although I will humbly admit that I am more popular Down Under); Matt was working as a janitor, not a video store clerk when we met, things of that nature, but I understood that details would be changed when I signed on.

Anyway, there it is. I'm happy that my story was able to springboard Toni Collette to bigger (but nothing could be better) things. She's a talented actress and I wish her the best.

P.S. Here's a taste of her work (its not the best quality but Toni is the one in the blond wig and fabulous pants on stage):

Tuesday Musings #4

What was your feeling or thoughts when you held your child/children for the first time?

My experiences with the births of my two sons were very different. With Theo I waited quite a while to get my drugs so I was very tired after all was said and done. I had the same nurse from beginning to end and she was Mormon. After Theo was born she ran everybody out of the room and sang "I am a Child of God" to Theo.

When Luc was born, I opted for drugs the second I was admitted. I was calm and well rested so I chose to have the mirror lowered so I could see the whole thing. There was a problem when I was pushing and to avoid an emergency C-section, the doctor sliced me open. So, instead of a calm few minutes after labor, I was watching the doctor try to repair his hacking job, that was a little unnerving, one would think that one of the four nurses would have thought to move the mirror. There were more people in the room and it was a bit chaotic. Amazingly, my thought process was very similar when I was handed each of them for the first time:

1. Wow! I make cute babies.
2. I am so glad that is over. I never want to be pregnant again.

FFA #9

Okay, we all know everyone has wonderful, cherished family and holiday traditions we just couldn't live without. (I mean, hey, where would Halloween be if I didn't traditionally sneak candy out of my kids treat bags after they've gone to bed?)
But what are some of your traditions that you could really do without?

Since most of my family's traditions center around food, I really like most of them. I like food. Holiday food is the best because it is usually high in sugar and fat and tastes so much better than everyday food. I really like holiday food. Growing up, Christmas was the only time we got junk cereal too. I looked forward to that all year long. Let's not forget candy. Candy is integral for all holiday celebrations. We need the sugar to keep up the energy needed for holiday gaiety.

The only complaint I have is that we used to get our Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. This was not a "tradition" per se but came about because the trees were usually marked down to no less than 50% off by then. I always wished that we could put the tree up earlier and spread the joy out a little bit longer.

Yeah, I've pretty much got a blank slate to start from for our kids. I think I'll keep the good food thing going. It works for me. Matt didn't bring many traditions to the table either. I'm pretty sure he's happy with the food theme.

Tuesday Musings #3--Thanks Kristin

Where did you grow up/live as you grew up up until the present?
I was born in Colorado. Lived in New Hampshire until I was 3 and we moved to Staten Island, NY. I lived there until I was 19 and moved to West Valley, UT, then Holladay, then South Salt Lake, then West Valley again, then Salt Lake City, then Murray and Magna. When I went on my mission (for the LDS church), I lived in Charleroi, Liege and Brussels, Belgium and in Schiltigheim, France. Then Magna, UT again, then Logan, UT, then Magna again, then Provo. Then I went to live in Villefranche-sur-Mer in France, (then a few weeks stop over in PA) then Lynn, MA, then Ayer, MA and finally here in Lafayette, IN.
What is your earliest memory and how old were you?
I haven't a clue. I have vague memories of NH that involved dinosaur bugs and raspberry bushes and fresh water mussels in our stream.
Did you play paino or musical instrument at all or sports in high school or were you the studious type?
I'm going to have to go with none of the above on this one.
Is there anything that you did that you think your parents didn't know about(and remember they just might read this or your children could so be cautious).
I'm pretty sure my parents know all the need to know (and more than they ever wanted to).
In honor of Mother's Day...tell us something that you learned from your mother that you practice today and/or something that they did that you wish that you had started to do with your family or life.
My mother has always been a great bargain shopper. I try to emulate that.
Remember wishes can come true!

FFA #8 Part Deux

At the end of a day like today there is one thing I wish I could hide from my kids more than anything else in the world...myself!

FFA #8

What do you, or would you, hide from your kids?

You name, I'll hide it! Seeing how Luc is 2 months old I don't think he's catching on to much yet but Theo, he's another story. I've gotten to the point where I will hide anything and everything from him. If I can fit it under, behind, below of above an object too large for a 2 year old to move, I will. He has his own set of beliefs about the way things work in this world. Here are some examples:

• He thinks that diapers are hats and baby wipes don't belong in their boxes.
• Any container of liquid must be emptied IMMEDIATELY.
• He thinks nothing is as fun as cutting everything in sight with the biggest knife he can get a hold of.
• No matter how many posters we put up on his walls, he has to color on the spaces that aren't covered.
• Spare change belongs in his mouth.
• If he can get his hands on a box of tissues, he miraculously has so many boogers that he needs to use all 120 tissues in one sitting.
• Garlic cloves are only good for one bite.
• Credit cards, drivers' licenses and other similarly sized flat objects should be stuck in obscure locations.
• Food I want to eat belongs to him. If I have a container of something edible he must confiscate it, ingest small amounts then dump the rest in the middle of the floor.
• Professional illustrators can never get it right and must be corrected with any crayon, pen or pencil he can find.
• Seven dollar electric toothbrush heads are perfect for cleaning dirt off the bottom of shoes.
• Mom and dad's shoes are to be worn around the house then left in separate locations, as far apart from their mate as physically possible.
• Puzzle pieces are edible.
• The fish need to eat the entire container or fish food all at once even though in anyone else's house it would last 4 years.
• Chap stick or lip gloss must be spread all over his body when the opportunity presents itself.
• Cat prefers her food off the floor.
• He really like to take our razors and "beard" his legs like mommy does.
• Candles are good for scraping with your fingernails until nothing is left and there is wax all over the carpet.
• Cereal should be emptied out on the floor and danced upon until it is nothing but minuscule crumbs.
• Eggs should be cracked in the living room.
• Any thing that would be used to brush or comb hair is actually just a tool for beating on Cat.
• He likes to try and cut Luc's fingernails so fingernail clippers must be kept at least 6 feet above ground level.

Oh, and have I mentioned that Theo figured out how to strike and light matches?
The good news is that Matt has a job where he will be gone almost all summer and I will have a nervous breakdown and be institutionalized before my next birthday and will no longer have to clean up after Theo.

P.S. I'll spare you all the things I should be hiding from Theo for his good (sweet tooth, addiction to perezhilton.com, etc...)

P.P.S. If you really want the good stuff, we should reveal what we hide from our husbands!

Welcome to my world...

If you are here then you already know all you need to know about me, probably more than you want to. So, we're going to head straight into my Tuesday Musings.

It has been said by many that there are specific and profound moments/decisions in your life that change you. They leave deep and indelible impressions and you are never the same again, whether for better or worse. Write about one of these moments in your life, how it changed you, and whether you consider yourself a better or worse person for it.

This one was very hard for me, I'll be honest. I've racked my brain and I can't think of any time in my life that I've had a deep and indelible impression that my life has just changed. I have a laundry list of forehead smacking, four letter word moments after my decisions have changed my life for the worst but I'll spare you. I'm just not that quick on the draw. It take me quite a while to figure things out, good and bad. In come cases it has taken my years to realize I've made a good decision. Of course, my good decisions are usually spaced out over years so it gives me lots of time to think about them. This is not to say that these moments didn't exist, surviving my childhood, going on a mission, getting married, having children, all of these things have changed my life profoundly. I just deal with changes like the gentle waves of low tide, they don't hit me like tsunamis.

The closest thing to a indelible impression I can think of are the moments I saw Theo and Luc for the first time. I had already cried many times about the fact that my life was changing forever before either of them exited my womb. However, the moment I saw them I fell madly in love with each one. Of course, the fact that I tend to produce the cutest babies in the world doesn't hurt. When Theo was born I really wasn't prepared for that moment and when I was pregnant with Luc looking forward to that moment was the only thing that got me through some days.

So there you have it. Those are two of the most profound moments of my life. Its kinda funny if you think about it. For two of the most profound moments of my life I was laying there sweaty and stinky while near strangers tried to fix the gash they just sliced in me.